You And I Collide
by MrsCullenAtHeart
Summary: I would never be able to give him the love that he deserved, but I could try. I sat straight up in bed like a bolt of lightning had hit me. "And try I will." I whispered to myself. Rated M for future chapters
1. Self Pitty

_A/N: This is my first FanFic so please be gentle with me. I also am warning everyone that these chapters are very short. Only about 5 or 6 hundred words each. I posted the first 3 chapters. I'll try and update every week after this. Please review and let me know what you think please! Thank you!  
Jenn _

_**I Sadly own nothing. :( This is all the amazing work of Stephenie Meyer**_

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Chapter 1

Another day. Another day, and I'm still alone. I can't believe I was stupid enough to ever believe it could last forever.

"It will be as if I never existed."

How could he ever be dumb enough to believe that? Now that I think about it he must think I really am a pathetic human if he thinks it would be that easy. But like I always said...I knew it had to be too good to be true.  
I finally pulled myself out of my small bed and took in my messy room. I was just finally coming out of the worst of my pain. It still hurt to think of him, but I was forcing myself to keep going. For Charlie. For Jake. And to be quite honest for myself. I pulled random clothes from my dresser and headed downstairs. I threw down some cereal and marched out to my rusty old truck. It was just about the only thing that was sturdy in my life. That and Jake.

Jake was my own personal sunshine. He picked me up, sewed me together and never put me back down. I loved him in so many ways. I just knew that I would never be able to love him THAT way. Sure I think about it. I think about it alot. I just wouldn't want to fool him or myself into thinking it could be anywhere near what me and...him...had. It was a short drive to La Push where I knew Jake would be waiting for me. Rain or shine he always was. Something was different about today though. I wasn't sure what, but I could feel it.

I pulled into the driveway and Jake was no where to be found. My hear immediately fell. What was wrong? What was going on here? I whipped my head around searching for my sunshine. For the giant smile to be spread across his face. The one thing that kept me feeling alive. I searched and searched. And Jake was no where to be found. I finally got out of the truck to knock on the door. I leaned to jump out of the truck when I felt my knees go out from underneath me. I was going to fall flat on my face into gravel.

Right before I could get acquainted with Jakes driveway, warm strong arms caught me. I was dazed and started to thrash until I realized who it was. Jake. My personal oxygen source himself. I stopped fighting him and threw my arms around his waist. It had been a few days since I saw Jake last. And I could have sworn he grew. Again. He was well over six foot. I felt like a doll next to him.  
He hugged me back tight. I loved my time with Jake. It made me feel almost normal again. Almost.

"Hey Bells!"

"Jake! Oh, I've missed you!"

"It's only been three days Bella."

"Oh...well...yeah."

"You can be so odd sometimes."

I had to frown at that. Not because it was offending, but because it was true. I knew that what I had gone through didn't only hurt me, but it hurt Jake as well. And I tried really hard not to let him see me at my worst. It didn't always work that way. But I did try. And he never seemed to mind. Jake was so simple to be around that it was almost comical. He never judged me and he never pushed me to talk about things I didn't want to.

Sometimes it almost seemed he could read my mind. He knew things about me I had never told anyone. And at times he would even finish my sentences. It always made me smile when I would notice things like that. I was so lucky to have someone like Jake in my life. And I would never let him go.


	2. Any Other Day

**_I own nothing..._**

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Chapter 2

We were headed towards Jacobs garage to work on his car when he suddenly stopped. I ended up stopping too. Just on the ground. I'm extremely clumsy and it doesn't take much to get me to trip. It seems that I tripped over my own shoe lace this time. I looked up to Jake with a shy smile on my lips and I could tell he was trying very hard not to laugh at me.

"Oh let it go Jake. You can laugh."

"I...wouldn't...laugh...at....HAHAHAHA."

"Ha-Ha-Ha. Very Funny. Why did we stop anyway you big bully?" I tried to sound angry but it probably wasn't convincing seeing as though I was trying not to laugh myself.

"Well I wanted to talk to you about something Bells."

I really didn't want to have this conversation now. But more then that I didn't want to hurt Jakes feelings. So I toughed it out and listened to what he had to say.

"I know you don't feel the same way for me Bella. And that's OK. Really it is. I just wanted to ask you a question." He was looking down and I could see a blush rise in his dark cheeks. At that second I knew that I was in trouble. I knew what his question was, and I didn't want to answer it. Not now. Anytime but now.  
"What is it Jake?"

"Well, I ...I...Oh never mind."

"You know that you can ask me anything Jake. I won't laugh and I'll try my hardest to answer you." He looked up at me then with a small smile. Still blushing away. He took a deep breath and finally started his question.

"Well here it goes. Geeze. OK. Bella? Will you, er, will you be my....girlfriend?" His face was so red I almost thought it would burst into flames. I didn't know what to say. I was just there staring at him. He started to get impatient and I could see the my silence was offending him.

"You don't have to say yes Bella. I understand that you're hurt and I understand that it was probably way too soon for me to even ask such a thing of you. I just really think we could have a shot. I mean...I just wish we could have that chance." He was talking so fast I had to listen hard to make sure I caught everything. I took a deep breath and let it out. He wasn't looking at me which was good. I didn't want to see the look on his face for what I was going to say.

"Jake. I really don't know how to answer your question." How lame was that? That's all I could come up with for the person that was pretty much keeping me alive right now?

"I understand Bells. I just had to ask." The look on his face hurt worse then being smacked upside the head. I wished someone would just so I didn't have to look at him hurt. We hung out in the garage after that in complete silence. Nothing like total silence to make your brain and heart start reeling. I knew I was in for some heavy thinking tonight. I wasn't looking forward to it. Not at all.


	3. The End Of The End

**_Yet again..I sadly own nothing.

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Chapter 3

I was up all night that night. Just thinking of how I hurt Jacob. I couldn't understand why this was all happening to me. What had I done to deserve all this at once? Then on top of that I got disgusted with myself for being so selfish with Jake. Who was I to be taking all of his time away? He could have found 10 girls already with the time that I was stealing from him. How dare I be that unkind to him?

Then I started to picture what my life would be like without Jake. What would happen to us if he DID find a girl he wanted to be with? Would we still be friends and hang out in his garage? Would he WANT to hangout with me? But wait. Who would this girl think she is taking MY Jake away from ME?

All of a sudden I completely stopped thinking. What had I just thought to myself? MY Jake? What in the hell does that mean? And then it hit me. It hit me hard. I was jealous. I was jealous of a girl that didn't even exist. I couldn't believe myself. All this time I had told myself I didn't love Jake. That I didn't want to be his. I wanted to be his friend and nothing more. And now that it finally came down to it I realized how wrong I truly was.

I was starting to give myself a headache. I glanced over at the clock on my nightstand and groaned. 3:30. I had to get ready for work in two hours. There was no way this was going to work. I rolled over trying to beg myself for sleep. I should have known there was no way that was going to happen. All that I kept thinking about was Jake. ME and Jake. Together. Would it really be so bad? I would never be able to give him the love that he deserved, but I sure as hell could try. I sat straight up in bed like a bolt of lightning had hit me.

"And try I will." I whispered to myself.

I jumped out of bed and ran for my shoes and coat. I threw a brush through my hair and ran down the stairs.

"Woah there Kiddo where do you think you're going?"

Did Charlie seriously have to do this right now?

"I'm going to see Jake."

"It's only six in the morning Bells."

Crap. Jake wouldn't be awake for another four hours I thought to myself. No. This is important and I need to talk to him. I need to talk to him NOW.

"I know. But this is really important Dad. I'll be back in time to make dinner." I was already half way out the door when I heard Charlie speak again.

"Is everything alright Bella?"

"Fine! Everything is fine!" I nearly screeched.

I ran and hopped into the truck. It was bitter cold and sprinkling. Great. Snow must be on the way. I gunned it all the way into the reservation. Finally I saw the house I was looking for come into view. I slowed and jumped out of the car. I was walking up to the door when it opened. There he was and here I was. Time for me to tell him all about my epiphany and how happy and joyous I was.

"Geeze Bells. Do you know what time it is?"

" I know it's early Jake but I need to talk to you. Now." My voice was weak and I was panting from my excitement. Excitement and nervousness.

"Bella? Are you OK?"

"Better then that Jake. I'm much better then OK."

We walked outside and went to his garage. I was so scared my heart was hammering in my chest. I was afraid if it got any louder Jacob would be able to hear it. I needed to calm down before I fainted.

"Alright Bell. What's going on?" He looked so unsure. Like maybe I really was crazy.

"Jake, I was up all night last night and I finally know what I need to do. I thought about what you asked last night and it was eating me up inside. I couldn't get you off my mind. I started thinking that maybe you would be better off without me, but every time I thought that I just got so frustrated. I couldn't imagine you with another girl. I just couldn't. That's when I realized something Jake. I couldn't picture you with another girl because I could only picture you with me! I need you in my life Jacob. I need you more then I need air. I just can't believe it took me so long to realize. I understand that it might not work. I know that I'm broken Jake and that it will be alot of work. I also understand if I hurt you too bad yesterday to except this. I just...I just....Oh Jake!" And I started sobbing. I was ranting so fast I didn't even know if he understood a word I said. I threw myself at him and I couldn't let go. He was still beneath me and I was afraid to look up at his face.


	4. Rejection

_**Again. I own nothing. How sad...**_

_A/N: Sorry for such a short chapter this time. I know that it can be bothersome. But I promise it gets alot better ;) I've had lots of hits on this story..but like no reviews! Makes me wanna cry. haha. Please tell me your ideas...I would love to hear them._

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Chapter 4

A few moments passed and he still hadn't moved. Now I was really worried. I took a deep breath and looked up at him. His big brown eyes were staring back into mine. The look on his face made even more tears fall from my eyes. He pulled me into his arms and squeezed me as tight as he could.

"Bella. Bella what does this mean? What are you telling me?" He was so confused and so anxious.

"It means I want to be with you Jake. I want to give us the chance you spoke about. I want to try for you Jake. I just want to try." The tears were spilling over my cheeks. I was so desperate to hear his answer.

"I love you Bella."

That was all he had to say. I knew right then and there that he was as happy as I was. He pulled me into an iron grip and I held fast. I was so happy I couldn't control myself. I thought about this for a second. How strange that just the morning before I was so depressed about the love of my life leaving and here I was inviting another person into my heart. I threw that thought away before I started to over think the decision I just made. I was finally moving on from the torture my heart put me through and I wasn't about to go back. So I relaxed and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed Jake.

I looked up into his eyes and I could see that he was teary eyed. I was beaming at him. His smile was so wide I didn't know how it fit his face. His eyes danced with excitement and I knew at that exact moment that I have made the right choice. There was no turning back. Not now anyway. He bent down and kissed the top of my head. I felt the warmth of joy slide down my spine and I didn't want to move. I didn't want to pull away from him. I just wanted to stay in his arms forever and ever. Jake must have been thinking the same thing because he didn't pull away from me. We just stood there in each others arms and his lips on my head.


	5. Sweet Surrender

_ok guys...here is where the M rating comes in. This is my first time writing remember so be easy with me. :) Let me know what you think. _

**_I own no part of Jacob or Bella. As much as I would like to..._**

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Chapter 5

Slowly he broke from my arms. Not completely. Just far enough so that he could look me in the eye. He slid back so that now his large hands were on my hips. He took a deep breath and smiled. I wanted to jump back into his arms but something in his eyes made me re-think this. I saw it before I felt it. But when I did. It was magical. He was moving closer to me slowly. Too slowly. His lips caught mine and my breath got stuck in my throat. I had never felt a kiss like this before. It was gentle, but there was a force behind it. A fierceness almost.

Without knowing what I was doing, I wound my fingers into his silky black hair. He crashed into me even harder and I didn't want to let him go. He picked me up in this strong wide arms and carried me over to the hood of his Rabbit. He only broke the kiss to look me in the eyes again. My breathing was ragged and I could see he was panting as well. I reached my finger back around his neck and forced his lips back into mine.

I had never felt anything like this before. It was so new, and so exciting. His lips were warm against mine and we moved in perfect unison. His breath was hot on my cheek and onto my neck.

"Don't move..." He whispered into my ear.

I was instantly still. More out of nervousness than his command. I felt his hands grip my shoulders, my sides, my hips. He pulled me back into our kiss and I could hardly breathe. My heart was trying to find a way out of my chest and I loved it. I felt his hands move back up my sides to the front of my shirt.

"I love you Isabella. More then anything." He was panting into my neck.

"I love you too Jacob Black."

The words fell from my mouth. I was shocked. The reason why I was so shocked though, was because of how confident I was in that answer. Because I realized at that second how true it really was.

"Do you trust me Bella?"

"Of course I do Jake. Why-"?

But before I could get my whole question out, my shirt was over my head. And I didn't care. I honestly could have cared less. Jakes hands were so warm, so gentle and so sure over my skin that it took all the nervousness and jitters away. I couldn't get enough of him fast enough.

I reached down and pulled his t-shirt over his head. I was so shocked at my confidence. This was a whole new world for me and I was just getting started. I traced my hands down his muscular chest and stomach. After every muscle my finger ran over my heart kicked up another notch. I broke our kiss to start my way down his neck and shoulders. I pulled away slightly to take in his russet colored body. He was absolutely gorgeous.

I lost myself completely after that. My hands were shaking as I traced his body. My fingers finally found their destination. I started to rip at his belt. Realizing what I wanted, Jake threw it off and started to undo his jeans. I sat and watched, fascinated with what I was seeing. It wasn't until he reached for the front of mine that I could tear my eyes away from him. I helped him undo my pants and grabbed his face for him to kiss me again.

"Bella?" Jake got out between kisses. "Are you sure about this? Are you sure this is what you want?"

I was ready. So ready I didn't have words for it. So I let my body show him. I kissed him deep and took his hand. I rested it on my stomach and started to push his hand down my waist. That must have been all the confirmation he needed because there was no stopping him now. He pushed his hand down my damp panties and found my sensitive bundle of nerves and massaged it gently.

Both of our breathing caught and I let out a soft moan. He started moving his fingers faster and I knew that if I let this continue I would never get what I wanted most. To climax WITH him. With him inside of me. I grabbed his hand and fell back against the hood of the car pulling Jake with me. His hands covered ever inch of my body while I was kissing his chest. He stood back and pulled his boxers down exposing all of his glorious man-hood. My mouth must have been hanging open because I heard a small chuckle from him. I looked up at him and tried to compose myself.

When I looked up into his face he had the most mischievous grin on his face. It was startlingly handsome. I almost fell over the edge just seeing that look on his face with him slowly stroking himself. He put his hands on either side of my small panties and slowly pulled them down, taking in every second of it. I felt myself blush. He looked up and winked. He slowly lowered his head right to my folds. Very gently he started licking and sucking at my opening. My head fell back and I knew right then and there that I was in heaven.

He finally made his way back up to my clit. He blew on it lightly before sucking. I moaned loudly and felt myself fall over the edge. I grabbed his hair and pushed him closer to me. I was shaking when he pulled away with that same grin on his face. Finally he leaned over me and put himself right at my entrance.

"Bella, love. This is going to hurt, and I'm sorry. I swear I'll be careful for you."

I nodded and bit down on my lower lip. He entered me and sparks flew. He let me adjust to him and when I nodded again he pushed passed the barrier that had stopped him. He was right. It did hurt. But nothing compared to the pleasure that over rode it. He started to thrust into me. Slow at first but building. Moans and grunts were surrounding us in the air. It was magical. I felt the coil in my stomach tighten after every thrust. My whole body felt like it was in flames, heat pouring out of me.

"Harder Jake. I'm almost there!"

"Bella...."

He thrust harder and faster until the coil inside of me burst.

"Oh God Jake...Jake!"

I felt ever muscle in my body react in shear bliss and I felt him spill inside of me.

"Isabella." He groaned.

We laid there on the hood of his car for a long time until both of our breathing came easier and our hearts weren't pounding so hard. I was so exhausted and so happy that I just let myself go. I felt myself start to fall asleep holding Jacob in my arms.


	6. Passenger Seat

**I'm sorry I didn't update for a while all. I have been sick and so has the whole family! Ick. lol. I'm not exactly sure I like this chapter. like I said...I've been sick. So let me know please?! Thanks guys.**

**I don't own twilight or any of the characters....:(**

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Chapter 6

When I woke up I realized we were in Jacobs room. I looked over and saw him looking down at me with a smile on his face. I nuzzled closer to him and wrapped my arms around his big frame.

"How did you sleep my princess?" He asked in a husky voice.

"Amazing. Thank you."

We laid in his bed talking and nodding back off to sleep for the rest of the day. I finally looked over at the clock and sighed. I still had to get home to make Charlie dinner. And I should probably call the Newtons to apologize for missing work. Jake laughed and started to get out of bed.

"Wait. Jake, can I ask you something?" I felt the blush that was coming.

"Anything Bells, what is it?"

"Did you...well...you know. Did you...um-"

"Did I enjoy myself?" Jake finished my question for me with a sly smile on his face.

"Well, yeah." I answered. I didn't look at his face. I knew my cheeks must have been flaming red.

"More then you know Bella. More then you know," He whispered in my ear.

His words sent a shiver down my spine and I felt so whole for once, so right. It was amazing. I could breathe with ease and I could hold my head high. Jacob started to help me out of his bed when I fell back.

"Ouch!" I yelled.

My god did my legs hurt. On top of that, they felt like jelly. Jake just laughed at me. I narrowed my eyes at him and wished he could know what it felt like. Finally I got out of his bedroom and on my way out to the truck. We walked into the living room to see Billy sitting in the kitchen reading. Jake looked up at him and Billy winked. Oh no. Please no. Tell me he didn't hear anything. I looked up at Jake who was smiling that huge smile I loved. I felt my face blaze yet again and almost ran out to my truck. The rain had let up and I was thankful for that. I probably already looked like a mess.

"I love you." Jake said as I climbed in the truck.

I could feel my face light up when he said this.

"I love you too." I was again shocked at how true this statement was.

I watched as Jake walked over to the passenger side of my truck and slide in. He looked up at me and smiled.

"Ummm Jake? What are you doing?"

"I think I got an idea."

I was lost as to what that might have meant. He winked at me and motioned for me to get going.


	7. All His Fault

**HI everyone. Thank you for reviewing and for just reading my story. makes me feel good! I'm sorry for the short chapters lately. This is another one :( I'm sorry. The next one I think is hilarious. Soooo hold out hope ok? I would love some idea's for this story. I'm not exactly sure how I want it to go. Let me know guys! **

**The lovely Stephenie Meyer owns these characters. And I own...well...nothing. :)**

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"What kind of an idea Jake?"

"Just drive Bella," he chuckled.

The rest of the way home was pretty quite. When we got to the boarder I decided it was time to at least say something. The quite was starting to get awkward.

"Hey Jake? Can I ask you a question?"

I must have sounded unsure of myself because Jake smiled and nodded for me to continue.

"Well, I was just curious. I mean last night...that was your, um...first time too right?"

I could feel my face getting warm and the smile on Jacobs beautiful face only got bigger.

"Yes Bells. That was my first time too."

I was expecting that answer, but it felt good to hear all the same. Me and Jake shared yet another thing in common then.

"Why do you ask Bella?" There was that stupid grin of his again. I really didn't want to answer this question.

"Oh. Well, just because you were...well, you were really great Jake."

Again, what felt like the millionth time today, my face was as red as a tomato. Jakob just started laughing. I could tell that it was a major boost to his ego. He rode with a very smug smile all the way home.

The rest of the drive was peaceful. We didn't talk much but it didn't bother me. I was just so amazed with myself. I was actually smiling. I was actually feeling whole. I didn't want this feeling to end. Ever. We pulled up along the curb in front of my house and piled out of the truck. When we got inside Jake sprawled out on the couch and motioned for me to come sit next to him. I walked to the couch and cuddled up next to him. His big strong arms pulled me up into his lap and he turned on the TV. We sat there and watched TV with Jake playing with my hair and leaning down to kiss my forehead every once and a while. I was truly in heaven. Nothing could get better then this. Well. There was one thing that could...

My attention was drawn to the front door when I heard Charlie coming through the door.

"Bells?", I heard Charlie Call.

I scrambled to get out of Jakes lap, but he held me tight. I stared up at him with shock on my face. If Charlie saw us like this he was truly going to flip.

"In here Charlie." Jake answered for me.

My face was hot and my heart was in overdrive. I narrowed my eyes at Jake and waited for the shouting to start. Charlie walked into the living room, took a good look at me and Jacob and started to open his mouth to speak when Jake interrupted him.

"Hi Charlie! I've got some pretty great news."

Jakes smile was bigger then I'd ever seen it.

"What would that be Jake?," I thought it was obvious that Charlie wasn't happy.

"Bella has finally decided to cross over to the good side and be my girl. Isn't that great!?" Jake was so happy I could feel the joy wash over me like waves. He was beaming up at Charlie waiting for his answer. Charlie raised an eyebrow at me and I ducked my head into Jacobs arm. Why now? Things were going so well too...

"Well, is that right?," Charlie chocked out.

Was Charlie seriously laughing?

"Way to go Kid!," Charlie walked over to Jake and gave him a high five.

I looked up at Jake with shear confusion on my face. He just smiled down at me and winked. I was in total shock. Jake started laughing and I realized I hadn't heard a word of the conversation him and Charlie were saying.

"I'm glad you're happy Jake," Charlie smiled. "It's about time. I was starting to get really inpatient."

"I'm more then happy Charlie. I'm amazing."

At that second I realized just how much I truly did love Jake. I knew he would never hurt me. I knew that he would never leave me. And I knew that I was hopelessly head over heals.


	8. Watch Him As He Goes

**_Hello everyone! I'm so sorry it took this long to get this chapter up. I've been so busy lately! and I got to see the Twilight movie! *squeals like a little girl* so good!!! Well...tell me what you think guys :)_**

**_I own NOTHING!!! :( Not fair..I know._**

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Chapter 8

Later that night after I took Jake home I sat and "watched" the game on TV with Charlie. On a commercial break, I heard Charlie clear his throat. I tried very hard not to roll my eyes before I looked up at him.

"So is it true Bells? Are you and Jake really together now?"

He was trying so hard to act uninterested. But I could see behind his eyes how happy he was. It was odd to think that my father would actually be happy about me dating.

"Yes Dad. I guess so..."

He didn't need to know exactly how true it was.

"Well...I'm happy for you Bells. And I'm glad you're getting on with your life. Jake is a good boy. He'll treat you right."

"I know he will Dad. I know he will." I whispered.

After another twenty minutes of Charlie asking me questions about me and Jake, and me blushing about a million and a half times, I decided that my torture should end. I wished Charlie a good night and headed up stairs to my room. I got my bag of girly things and decided to take a nice warm shower. It was early when I got out so I decided to live it up a little and blow dried my hair. I even put a few loose curls in it just because I was bored. I walked back to my room and as soon as I opened my door I thought I was going to faint.  
Jacob was sprawled out across my bed. Just staring at me with a small smile on his face. I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. Even though I had just seen him a few hours ago he still shocked me with how gorgeous he was. As I raked his body with my eyes I realized something. He didn't have his shorts on. He was covering himself only with my quilt and I could see the perfect "V" of his body. I didn't even know I was walking but the next thing I knew I was falling onto him with my hands fanning out all over his abs and Chest. I would never be able to get used to his body. Not as long as I lived. Jake put a finger under my chin to get me to look up at his beautiful face.

"Well hello to you too," he whispered.

"What?...what are you?...why are you naked?" I blushed and looked back down at his body in my bed.

When I looked back up at his face he had a very goofy smug smile on his face. It wasn't fair. He knew I couldn't resist him.

"I thought that you might like to have a little fun since me and Charlie embarrassed the hell out of you today."

He was not only gorgeous but sweet. How lucky could I get? I blushed and looked yet again over his body. I felt his hands around my hips and him gently pull me on top of him. I was still too flustered to look up at his face on my own yet.

"Like what you see?." I could hear the smile in his voice as he asked me.

"Oh don't even get cocky."

"Well like you said I am "really great, Jake"" he chuckled.

I looked up at his smile and pushed my lips into his. I wanted it to be sweet but let him know I wanted him. I wanted to feel the love that he gave me. He kissed me back and I lost myself yet again. He started to run his tongue across my bottom lip asking for entrance. I opened my mouth and lightly sucked on his tongue causing him to moan ever so slightly. That was the last straw for me. I reached down and pulled my shirt straight over my head. Not even wanting to wait for him to get the clue and do it himself.

"Wow."

That was all that I heard fall from his lips before I crashed my lips back to his. I needed him. Now. His hands instantly were grinding my hips to his. Trying to find the friction we both needed. I only pulled myself away from him to breathe. I couldn't take my eyes off of his face. Every time I moved against his body he would get this look on his face that made me so close to releasing right there. His jaw would fall slack and he would crease his brow ever so slightly. I knew that it wasn't fair for me to tease him this way, but after all, he WAS in MY bed NAKED! Talk about teasing. I would gently bite at his neck, his bottom lip and even the underside of his chin. I knew I couldn't wait much longer. I moved down his chest making sure my breasts glided down his body. The warmth of his skin against mine made my nipples hard immediately and make me moan against his skin. His breathing hitched, it turned more to panting the lower I went. I let my tongue graze each one of his muscles on his chest and stomach before I kissed right under his belly button finally sliding down to his man hood.

The second my tounge touched the tip of him, Jake grabbed my face. I looked up at him schocked. I felt a woosh of pain go through me. Was he rejecting me? Was I doing something wrong? When my eyes met his, it looked like someone had just kicked him. Thre was so much pain writing all over his face.

"What-"

"I have to go." He stuttred out.

"Jake? What...Why? What's going on?" I felt it. The verge of tears. He was rejecting me. I must have done something wrong. And then it hit me. He didn't want me. I just wasn't good enough for him. I mean duh. He was perfect. Why would he want to be with me anyway?

"Bella. I love you. I just have to go..." It looked like he was going to be sick or that he was about to cry. I couldn't tell. He got up and grabbed his shorts turning to the window.

"NO! Jake don't go...Don't leave me!" The tears were free flowing now. There was no way to stop the pain and hurt that I was feeling. He was leaving me.

"Bells. Don't. I...I...I HAVE TO GO". He practically yelled at me. I was so scared and so hurt I couldn't even move. I couldn't walk the five steps towards him. I couldn't grab onto him to make him stay. I couldn't do anything. So that's what I did. Nothing. I watched him jump to the tree and away. Leaving me. With nothing.

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	9. The Dark Inside Of Me

**_Ok so I wrote this in like 20 minutes. I don't know where this came from but...I went with it. so be easy with me. It's harder to write in Jakes POV then you think. So...let me know._**

**_Ownage? Not even close._**

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Chapter 9

JPOV

Bella was driving me crazy. Her body against mine was something that I would never get used to. Not as long as I lived. She was so soft and so gentle. I could get lost in that feeling. I had surprised her by showing up in her bedroom. Naked. I know, I know. It might sound weird but I loved how much Bella enjoyed my body. It wasn't hard to get into her room. There was a tree that lead me pretty much directly into her bedroom. Thank goodness I knew how to climb though.

Bella spread her fingers over my muscles watching them twitch with pleasure. I was smiling down at her. I loved her more than I could ever explain. I knew that I loved her from the first I spotted her on the beach. I would to anything to be with her now. And to finally know she felt the same way was amazing. It made me want her so much more, but I thought I would let her enjoy her fun for a while longer before I started mine. She slowly started to kiss down my chest. Her lips against my skin. My God. It was enough to make me release right then. Talk about embarrassing.

I had pictured being with Bella so many times. Her body against mine. Me making her scream my name. But it was nothing how I pictured our first time. It was perfect, and I knew that every time would be just as good. And I would do anything to please her. I watched her as she made her way across every surface of my body. God could she kiss. And the way her mouth moved...okay. Calm down before it gets to be too much.

The odd thing though, was that the farther she kissed I kept getting this feeling that I was about to combust. Not in a good way. Not that I was sick, or anything like that. I just hurt. I was sore. And I couldn't figure out why. It was unpleasant, but I didn't think much about it. I had a beautiful girl kissing every inch of me. I could deal with a little pain. Who couldn't?

I could tell Bella was having fun. That made it even more sexy for me. She never saw herself clearly. She was the most sexy and sensual thing I had ever laid eyes on. So Shy, So timid. If only she knew the things she could do to me. What she was capable of. The light blush on her cheeks from her excitement was beautiful. She slowly opened her mouth and let her tongue grace my muscles on my chest, and then down to my stomach. Oh, the things she did to me. I felt that painful feeling spike in me again. What was going on with me? This was starting to get pretty bad. Was I ill? Should I be around Bella if I was?

Right as Bella kissed under my belly button it felt like a bolt of lightning had gone through me. I grabbed at the sheets to hold in a sream. She placed her lips right on the tip of me and I had to stop her. I couldn't keep this going. She looked up at me and pain flashed in front of her eyes.

"What-"

"I have to go." It probably sounded like I was choking. For all I knew that might have been what was happening.

"Jake? What...Why? What's going on?" I saw tears start to pool in her eyes. Why was she the one crying? She did nothing wrong.

"Bella. I love you. I just-have to go..." It felt like my body was tingling all over now. Like I had bugs crawling all over me. I had to get out of here. I don't know why. I just did.

"NO! Jake don't go...Don't leave me!" Tears were pouring from her beautiful eyes. I didn't want this! I didn't want to hurt her! Not ever! She was everything to me.

"Bells. Don't. I...I...I HAVE TO GO"! And I did. This was it. Something was seriously wrong here. I needed to get home and I needed to figure out what the hell was happening. I got up and grabbed my clothes. Bella was just standing there watching me go. Tears silently falling to the ground. I wanted nothing more then to grab her and take her with me. Kiss her and tell her it was okay. But something was telling me she was in danger if she stayed. What the HELL is going on?

I jumped into the tree and took off running. I ran as fast as my legs could take me. I started shaking. It wasn't even that cold out. Why am I shivering so bad? I finally made it into the house. Billy was sitting there waiting for me with a giant grin on his face.

"So...How's Bella?" he asked me with a wink.

I felt a heavy shiver go down my spine and sweat break out all across my body. I was terrified and I didn't even know why. I was raged. Beyond control. And again, I didn't know why. Everything was shaking. I couldn't see. This was it. I was going to die.

And that was it. All of a sudden it all went black.


	10. How Does It Feel

**_Hey guys. okI am not exactly sure if I like this chapter. Like at all...:( well anyways. Let me know ok? And sorry for the cliffies that have been coming up. I don't actually mean to do it. _**

**_I have no part in the magic of Twilight. Or Edward...sad...I know._**

* * *

Chapter 10

There I stood. He was gone and there was not a damn thing I could do about it. How dare he? How COULD he? Was I nothing to him? This whole time he just used me. How DARE he? The pain started to seep away and anger filled in the cracks. I turned around and went back to my bed. I laid there the rest of the night just thinking of all the different things I could do to get back at him. To make him feel the same way I did right now. But how did I feel right now? Pissed off. Beyond that. But deep down, extremely fragile and hurt. How could someone that I loved so much do such a thing.

Then it hit me. It knocked the wind straight out of my lungs. It didn't matter how much I loved him. It never would. He didn't want me. And neither did Edward. What was wrong with me? How could I ever believe that these beautiful, wonderful men would ever want me? I was nothing but a girl. A very plain girl. I can't believe I let myself believe I was anything to either of them.

Finally after hours of debating with myself and crying I looked out the window and saw the light start to filter through. I decided I needed to get myself washed up. I walked into the bathroom and looked into the mirror. It was like I was that zombie all over again. I looked away before the sight made me sick. It didn't work. I still felt sick all through my body. I just wanted to curl up on this bathroom floor and die. Maybe then I would get at least a little relief from the pain and memories that were flooding my brain.

Flashes of images where running in back of my eyes. Edward kissing my forehead goodbye, trying to chase him, falling and staying down, Jake, the garage, fixing the bikes, the hood of the rabbit... That was enough. I couldn't see anymore if I wanted to actually live through today. Or any other day for that matter. I had to put it away. Bottle it up. I was good at things like that though right? Who the hell was I kidding? No I'm not. Not even in the slightest. I took a deep breath and decided it was time to shower. At least the warm water felt good.

I turned off the water and started to get out of the shower, after drying off I decided to go get dressed. I was over two hours early, but I knew that sleep would never find me again today.

I opened the door and gasped.

And everything went black.

JPOV

What happened?! What is this? Am I dead? Something is wrong here. Really, really wrong. Why is everything black? Oh..because I had my eyes closed. All of a sudden a voice popped into my head.

"Jacob."

What the hell is this? I'm dead aren't I? Why else would I hear a voice calling me?

"Jacob, you need to relax" The voice said in a stern voice.

Relax?! Are you kidding? What's going on? Then I looked down. Billy was sitting in his chair with a horrified look on his face. What is going on? Am I bleeding? Why does he look so terrified of me?

"JACOB. GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE." The voice was almost violently angry.

Why do I need to get out of the house? I didn't know what was going on, but I listened to the voice. It was almost as if I didn't have a choice. Like the voice was a leader to me or something. That's when I realized something was really wrong. Why did it feel like I was walking on my hands and feet? I took a look down at the floor.

Oh.

BPOV

The blackness was almost like a gift. Like God had finally decided I had been tortured enough and he was going to end the pain now. He was going to take away the hurt and I would just slip away. If only it were so easy. When I opened my eyes again. I wished I was dead. I wished that it would all be over because what I saw would mean that I was insane. That I had truly and officially lost it.

"Edward?" I don't know if he heard me. I couldn't even hear myself. I barely even felt my lips move.

"Are you alright? You hit your head on the way down." He still had that sound of compassion in his voice even though I could tell he was trying to cover it up.

I tried to sit up only to realize he was pushing me back down. It was like the car crash all over again.

"I mean it Bella. You hit your head. Hard."

And then I felt it. Ouch! Holy crap. Maybe that's how he was here! I fell and hit my head and no I'm hallucinating. Makes sense right? No...unfortunately it really doesn't. I just laid there. I couldn't speak or do anything. I just laid there and stared straight into his coal colored eyes.


	11. A Second Glance

**_Ok...ok. Don't hate me. I'm not sure that I care for this chapter either. :( Sigh. Aw well. I went with it and I took a shot. Let me hear what ya'll think. Ohhhh!!! HAPPY THANKSGIVING! :) woohoo._**

**_Edward: I belong to you and only you now..._**

**_Me:OMG....Are you serious?!_**

**_Edward: In your dreams._**

**_Me: You bastard._**

* * *

Chapter 11

EPOV

For months I did nothing. NOTHING. I had no will. No life. And every time I took a breath, every time I blinked, images of her would come to mind. No not come, flood me. Drown me.

"You are my life now."

"It doesn't matter."

"I don't want you to be afraid."

"What a stupid lamb."

"It will be as if I never existed."

I would do anything, give anything, to take back the words I had told her that day in the forest. I would burn in flames for the words I said that fell from my lips to be erased. And with that I made up my mind. I was going back. I was going to go back and I was going to beg and plead for my beautiful angel's forgiveness. I didn't care how long it would take, I would convince her. Make her believe what I said was nothing but lies. I would wait years and years just to see that smile back on her face, and know that I was the one that put it there. And with that I started running. I ran as fast as I could.

JPOV

Oh.

Well.

This...Changes things.

I looked down and saw...fur? Is that...yeah I am pretty sure that's fur. I turned to see Billy frozen in shock. Tears silently falling down his face. And in some way...behind the fear and pain he looked--proud? He was PROUD? What is this? What the HELL is going on?! And in that instant. I realized what was going on. Everything was clear. All the stories. All the legends I laughed at, they were all true. True and happening. Happening to ME. As in RIGHT NOW. I was a...I was a...

No. It can't be. This isn't happening. I'm having a nightmare. That has to be it. It started out so well too. A perfect dream. I was with Bells..and now, this? And then the voice sounded again.

"JACOB BLACK...OUT OF THE HOUSE!"

And I ran, on these new powerful legs, I ran. As fast and hard as I could. Where? I haven't a clue. But I ran. And I didn't stop. Not for a long, long time.

"I understand what you're going through Jake. Just don't fight this. Don't be angry. Let me help..."

Sam?

Sam Uley? My God.

"WHAT IS THIS?" I yelled. Screamed.

"Jake you must remain calm. Please. It's the only way this will work!"

"HOW WHAT WILL WORK? WHY DO I HEAR YOU?? HOW!?!" If I were human I would be crying I was so scared. I didn't understand a thing that was happening. All I knew is that one minute I was with the love of my life and the next thing I knew I was a....a...Wolf? No. This is some sick messed up joke.

"ANSWER MY DAMN QUESTIONS SAM. ANSWER THEM NOW!"

And with that he did. Not with words. No, with thoughts. His thoughts. And I heard them? Saw them? I couldn't be sure. But I listend and I watched. And I understood what I had become.

BPOV

Something is wrong here. Terribly wrong. Why? Why of all times is this happening to me? What did I DO? How and WHY do I deserve this?

"Bella? Do you hear me?"

_Of course I do. But why? Why are you here?_

"Bella?? Answer me! Please..."

And I couldn't. I couldn't do a thing. I just laid there. I don't know how much time passed. I didn't care. I was looking into an angels face. An angel that had drug me through hell. That had let the flames lick and tease my skin. And yet that didn't matter. Because in the split second that his hand had touched my head, my shoulders, a fire burned through me. A flame of LIFE. I was whole. And how terribly sick that is.

EPOV

I made it to Bella's house either very late at night or very early in the morning. I couldn't tell and I didn't care. It didn't matter. Because I was here. I was at her house. That's all that mattered. That I would see her. That I would feel her again. I felt my chest tighten with those thoughts. I was so scared. So excited. I didn't know what I was feeling other then needing to be with her. And to be with her NOW. And I couldn't will myself to do it. I just couldn't go up there.

_Why? Why can't I? _I challenged myself.

And I knew all too well why I couldn't. What if she hated me? Shut me out and demanded that I leave. What would I do then? The answer was so simple. So precise.

_Die._

With that I did it. I pushed away my fears. It was odd. Knowing death was an option almost made it easier to see her. Because that was always what I would have done. When she died or if she left me. I would have found a way for death to find me.

I jumped up to the tree and peeked in the window.

There was my angel.

And there was someone else with her in her bed.


	12. Tonight Never Happened

**__**

Hey guys. Kinda short. Sorry. Let me know what you think. And thank you so much for all of your reviews. They make me feel sooooo good :)

**_Yeah. I totally own Twilight. SM even said so. No really...she did. Ok ok, I'm so lying. But you can't blame a girl for dreaming._**

Chapter 12

EPOV

I did nothing but stare. Stare straight at the love of MY life with someone else in her bed. Someone other then ME. The pain that was throbbing in my dead heart was unlike anything I had ever felt in my life. I thought it would knock me straight out of the tree. Dry sobs were bubbling into my lips. I couldn't stand the sight of this. Why had I come back? Why did I do such a terrible thing?

I wanted to break into her window and throw that beast off of her. She was mine. Not his. I laid in that bed with her. I was the one that should be there now. Not him. Not ever. There was something strange about that boy. I didn't know what, but there was something not right. He had a very unpleasant smell. Something that humans would never be able to pick up on. But I did. And something was wrong here. Something was wrong with him.

I finally convinced myself to run. I couldn't stand it here any longer. Not with this pain and not with what was happening literally right in front of my face. I jumped from the tree and walked into the forest that had caused all of this mess just mere months ago. And I sat there. I sat there and sobbed. I sobbed gut wrenching sobs. What else was there for me to do? Nothing. Because I was nothing. I was nothing to the most important part of my life.

When I left I convinced myself that I would never come back, that this was safe for her and that she would live a normal human life. I wanted her to be happy. I wanted her to move on and find love, have a family, have kids and grow old. And now I was facing the fact that it would never be with me. Of course it wouldn't. I was a monster. And she was a delicate flower. The most beautiful person in the world. She deserved everything. And I could give her nothing but danger, hurt and harm.

I don't know how much time passed of me just sitting there feeling sorry for myself. For me hating myself for leaving. I just couldn't believe that she could move on without me so easily. But isn't that what I wanted? No. I was just lying to myself for this whole time. Making the pain worse and worse. And now that I was faced with it. I didn't have a clue as to what to do. But why hadn't I heard that boy's thoughts? Why hadn't I sensed his presence? Was I so determined to get to Bella that I blocked everything out other then her? I don't know. And I'm not sure I would want to know the thoughts that boy were having. The things Bella was doing to him...

She would never be able to do that to me. I would never be able to please her in that way. Is that what made it so easy for her to move on? No. I don't believe it was. Bella wasn't that type of person. And then I heard a noise from my loves room. I didn't dare open my mind to the boy's thoughts. I still didn't want to know what was happening since I left. But I did listen to their words.

"What-"

"I have to go."

"Jake? What...Why? What's going on?" I

"Bella. I love you. I just-have to go..."

"NO! Jake don't go...Don't leave me!"

"Bells. Don't. I...I...I HAVE TO GO"!

Why would he leave her? What had happened? I heard her tears hit the floor of her room and anger raged through me. So he was just going to leave her? Why? Because she wouldn't pleasure him the way he wanted? Because he was a pig and trying to take advantage of her and she wouldn't let him? How dare he?

I heard him jump to the tree and run away. That smell hit me again. It was awful. Almost like wet dog or wet animal hide. Disgusting. I watched as he ran and it took every inch of my self control to not follow him. To not hunt him down and make him pay for leaving her. For making tears fall from my angels face.

I decided that I would visit her again tonight while she was asleep. I knew there was no way I could leave her again now. Not after what that child did to her. I had to take her pain away. The pain he had given her.

The pain I had given her.

JPOV

"Do you understand? Do you know why you are here...why you are so important Jacob?"

"Yes."

"Don't be sad Jacob. You should be proud."

How could I be proud? I was a monster. I left the love of my dreams to turn into THIS. All because of that THING that had left her so long ago. I was this beast because of Edward Cullen.

He had now hurt Bella twice. When he left her...and now when I had left her. HE was the monster. HE was the one that should pay. Not me! I did nothing wrong! And pay he would. All I could do was pray he would show up here again. So that I could take my revenge. Not for me. Not at all.

For Bella.

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	13. I'll Miss You

**_Hello again everyone. I just wanted to say thank you again for everyone who is reading this story! And thank you so much for the reviews and the people that add me to their favorites too! That makes me feel great! So here is the next Chapter. Tell me what you think. :)_**

**_Yet again..I own no part of Twilight. No matter how much I wish I had a little piece of Edward Cullen._**

* * *

BPOV

Some how I finally snapped out of it and realized that maybe, just maybe I should say something.

"Edward? Edward I'm fine."

He just sat there and stared at me.

"I'M FINE. LET GO OF ME!"

I couldn't let him be here. He didn't love me. He never did. So who the hell did he think he was to show up here at my house. I couldn't understand. I wouldn't understand. But what really bothered me is that I WANTED to understand.

"Helllooo. Earth to Edward!?" I waved my hand in front of his face.

"What's your deal?" I didn't get it. He just sat there and stared. Why? He never took his eyes off mine. And I sat there and watched as his eyes slowly went from a liquid black to solid onyx. And then I looked down.  
I forgot. I was on my way to get dressed...in a towel...just out of the shower...naked. Way to go Bella. Way to go.  
I felt the blush poor into my cheeks and every other inch of my body. I knew that, that wasn't helping his situation at all. It looked like it had been quite a while since he had been hunting.

"Bella..." my name came out in a whisper. And I heard how much pain he had been keeping inside.

I can't let myself think like that! I can't let myself think that he loves me! Or loved! Whatever the case may be. I just want him gone. But no. I really don't.

"Bella I'm so very sorry. I didn't mean to...and...ugh." He let out a huge sigh. I knew that if he could have blushed. He would have. And in a way, that made me feel sexy.

STOP IT BELLA. Stop thinking these things!

"What do you want Edward?" I tried so hard to make my words sound angry. It didn't work...

"I...don't exactly know." And he started to get up.

I threw the towel back around me and stood up too. He turned to jump back out my window.

"I'm sorry I broke my promise."

"NO! Don't go..."

Really? Did I really just have to say that? What was I doing? I was begging for heart break. That's what I was doing.  
He turned toward me. His eyes the liquid black from before. I felt my knees go weak and I mentally slapped myself.

"I should go." I hardly heard him.

"No really. Please. Don't leave me."

I felt it. The rejection starting to creep back in. The traitor tears pooling in my eyes. I knew he didn't want to be here. But then again, why was he here then? He slowly walked back across my small room and sat down on my bed. His eyes never once leaving mine. And when he sat down on the bed he finally let his gaze fall to the ground. I quickly grabbed clothes and asked him for a human moment. I didn't want to leave. I was terrified that by the time I got back, he would be gone. I hurried as fast as I could to get dressed. I needed him. I needed him more then I ever did.

EPOV

I waited until I was sure my love would be asleep. I didn't want her to even know I was here. That I had ever come back. She was in love. She had moved on and I would just have to deal with that. Even though I knew I never could or would. I ran into her yard and bounded up the tree. I looked into her window and it was empty. I heard the shower running in the bathroom and figured I had a while before she would be back. I would say my last goodbyes to her room. I was devastated that I wouldn't be able to see her face again, but I knew that I had already over stayed my welcome.

I was just going to have to make do. I weighed the options of taking one of her shirts, or one of her pillows just so that I could have her near me and smell her at all times, but thought that it would be a bad idea. She would obviously notice that they were missing. I also wondered if she would ever sigh my name again in her sleep or if it was all about this other...child...that she has now. It was tearing me up inside and I started to sob again. I was a mess. I was a disgusting mess. I don't deserve someone like Bella. She is too strong and too perfect to be with someone like me.

And then her door opened. And there she was. Standing in front of me. I felt my whole body go numb. Right as I was about to run to her, she fainted. I ran up to her as fast as I could and grabbed her shoulders. She had hit her head on the way down and if it were possible my heart would have stopped all over again.

I started to rub her shoulders to try and get her towake up. I didn't know what else to do. And then I noticed her eyes starting to flutter! Thank God! She's OK! My heart was soaring. And why is it that even after all we've been through. After all I've put her through that now that I am touching her skin, I feel so alive? So human?

"Edward?" I saw her lips move more then I heard her.

"Are you alright? You hit your head on the way down." I was trying to stay calm. To keep my game up for her. I still didn't know how she would take to me being here.

She tried to sit up but I kept her down. I didn't want her to fall again.

"I mean it Bella. You hit your head. Hard." as I said this I saw her wince. And she stared up into my eyes with pure shock and fear on her face.

"Bella? Do you hear me?" I was starting to get very antsy. I wanted to stay to make sure she was alright. But I also was terrified to see her reaction.

"Bella?? Answer me! Please..."

And she didn't. She just kept that same look in her eyes. I ran my fingers over her head and placed them back at her shoulders. It wasn't until then that I realized she had no clothes on. And it wasn't until then that I realized she was in true danger for her life.


	14. Slipped Away

**_Here you are my friends!! New chapter. Sorry that it's a little sad but it'll get better! Thank you to all who read this or review this! It makes me feel so happy to know people actually like this story! :)_**

**_Me!? Own Twilight?! Really?! No...no not at all._**

* * *

EPOV

"Edward? Edward I'm fine." She sounded so small. So scared. And she should be.

"I'M FINE. LET GO OF ME!" I couldn't. I was losing it. And I couldn't make myself let go.

"Helllooo. Earth to Edward!?"

"What is your deal?" I want to sink my teeth into your flesh and drink your blood. THAT'S MY DEAL. You are laying in front of me with nothing on. You are naked Bella! And in front of me! What do I do with that?! Oh, and the blush on your cheeks...Calm down! Stop it! This is the love of your life! You want to be with her, marry her, not kill her!

"Bella..." Somehow I found my voice. And with it I found just an inch more of control. Enough control to realize I need to leave.

"Bella I'm so very sorry. I didn't mean to...and...ugh." What if I had hurt her just now? I knew I had been grabbing her too tight. And I'm such a pig for holding her beneath me exposed like that.

"What do you want Edward?" She was trying so hard to hide her emotions from me.

"I...don't know exactly." I pulled myself together and started to stand up. Bella threw the towel back around her and stood up herself. Thank god she had the mind to cover up her beautiful body. Or else I don't know that I would be able to leave.

"I'm sorry I broke my promise." I couldn't bring myself to talk louder then a whisper. I didn't want her to hear me. I didn't want her to see me. I just wanted out. To live with the regret of not only leaving her...AGAIN but for almost...killing her.

"NO! Don't go..." but I have to my love...I have to.

"I should go." I knew she would hardly be able to hear me. But I was dying. I didnt know weather to stay or go.

"No really. Please. Don't leave me."

She started to cry. I had hurt her feelings. Again. I can do nothing right! Why does she want me to stay? Why does she insist on hurting herself just to be around a monster like me!? I don't understand! But I couldn't see her cry. I slowly walked over to her bed never looking anywhere but her eyes. And when I finally sat down, I remembered what had happened on this bed just a few hours before and I hung my head.

"Human moment? Please?" I just nodded my head. Not wanting to see her face. I felt sick. And I wanted to go. I didn't want to be anywhere near here. Not now. And not ever again.

BPOV

I hurried as fast as I could to get dressed. I needed him. I needed him more then I ever did.

I ran into the bathroom, throwing my clothes on in a whirlwind like motion. I didn't care what I looked like or what he thaught just needed to be close to him. To feel him. What was I doing? He wasn't even here for ten minutes and I already was starting to fall back into our normal routine. What is wrong with me? I sprinted back to my room. Edward still sat there. Still as stone, yet his head was in his hands. He looked over at me from the corner of his eye and if he were human I knew that tears would be storming down his face. And with that...I lost it. I fell to the ground and sobbed. Harder than when he left me. Harder than anyother time in my life. What was the reason? Because I just remembered what had happened between me and Jake. Jake...

What had happened to Jake? Was he ok? Where did he go? Edward was still as stone. He just watched like he didn't know what was happening. That or he was in shock. I finally felt cold arms wrap around me. I needed this. I wanted this. And at the same time I wanted to bring him back to his human self so I could kill him all over again. To let him know the pain that he had once put me through. I thrashed in his arms and he help me close. I finally gave up the losing battle and fell limply to my side on the hard ground.

Edward picked me up and placed me on my bed. Never once sitting back down. Slowly, so slowly he made his way back to my window. I tried to scream. Tried to get him to stay and yet...not one sound came. Nothing other than the gut wrenching sobs. And he knew why I was crying. I saw it in his eyes. He knew exactly what had happened between me and Jacob Black.

EPOV

I knew she was frustrated. I knew she was hurt and that I should comfort her, and be here for her. But I just don't know how to love her now. I wanted to love her in so many different ways. To make love to her. To have what she was doing with that boy to me. A man. Bella came running back into her small room, panting and a heavy blush on her cheeks. I just sat there. Head in hands. I wanted to die. To be torn apart and burned. I wanted Bella to know the love I had for her and she never would. Never COULD. And then I saw the sight I never wanted to see, Bella fell to the ground. Sobbing uncontrollably, and all I could do was watch. I was locked in place. This must have been what it was like when I left her...

I finally made myself relax enough to pick her up into my cold arms. She was so angry. I saw it in her face, her eyes. I needed to leave. I didn't understand what was happening. This was far too much for her or I to live through. She faught herself out and fell out of my arms onto the cold floor. I picked her up ever so gently and set her back onto her bed.

I couldn't stay here. She didn't want me. She never did. And this was it. No goodbye's. No "I love you's". This was nothing of the way I planned. This was a nightmare. And at that second I was convinced that I WAS sleeping. That I WAS truly asleep because this was too much horror to be real. I heard her sobs as I jumped from the window and ran. I heard them for a long time. And when I finally heard them no more....I replaced them with my own.


	15. Rise Above This

**_Hello again. I just want to say how thankful I am for all of you readers. I haven't posted on this story is 6 months. I failed you, and yet you kept reading, and reviewing. I love you all for doing so. :) I only hope you can still enjoy the story. It's going to be shaky for a while. I'm out of practice. I still dont own anything. Damnit. lol_**

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BPOV

I laid there in my bed. A mess. Trash. Nothing. I was never anything to him. I was his pet. His small, fragile, human pet. I hated him. I hated him more than anything in this world, but I loved him. Oh how I loved him. He was all I needed. Everything I wanted. And now it was nothing. I hated myself. I hated myself for loving him and for wanting him...for needing him. I cried so hard my stomach was heaving. I was making myself sick of this man. He didn't care. He left. Why would he care? And Jake...What about Jake? Where is he? Yet, why does it matter? He's worse then Edward. He left me too. Alone, and half naked for God sakes. I gave him everything. EVERYTHING. My mind, my heart...my body. And I got nothing. He ran. What is so wrong with me? I'm nothing. And that's just what I should have learned a long time ago.

EPOV

I sat there for a long time. Hours, days, weeks, I'm not sure. I just layed there on the hard wet earth and let sobs wrack through my body. What else was there to do? She didn't love me anymore. I was back burner to her now. If that. I saw everything that happened with her and that...boy. I was such a better man then he was. That's what Bella needed anyway. A man. Someone strong to take care of her. That...child, would never be able to do the things I could for her. And then I remembered something. He can do all the things I couldn't with Bella. Love her. Touch her. Be with her. Things I longed to do more often then I should admit, and would never be able to do. Is that why she was with him? Because I had made her feel so...unwanted? I felt disgusted with myself. How could I let a beauty like Bella's go unworshiped.

"Because I'm a fool."

I finally picked myself up off the forest floor and decided to run. Where to? I wasn't sure, but I knew I needed to get the hell out of here. I ran a short ways before I can across that terrible smell again. That boy's smell. It was stronger then last time. Like wet do-...

"My god. Werewolf?"

JPOV

I was finally calm enough to go out alone with Sam. He told me this was a day to be proud of. I knew he was lying. I heard it in his head whether he wanted me to or not. I heard it. He hated this just as much as all the rest of us did. He just had the job of putting on a front, a mask if you will. It would be my first time to walk the line as a protector, he had said. I rolled my eyes. This was bull. I wanted to find Bella. To hold her, and tel her I would never leave her again. And I couldn't. I would never be able to do that. I hadn't realized I had stopped until Sam called me. Slowly I kept walking. I didn't want this. I wanted the love of my life. I finally got her. And now this? How is this fair? I waited for so long. So damn long. And now It's whipped out from under me because of some immortal freak? He once again has taken everything away from me. Then it happened. I smelled something that would bring a grown man to his knees. It didn't smell bad...but it felt like I was breathing in pure bleach. Icy, sweet. It was disgusting. And then it hit me. That freak was here. That...thing. I took off. It felt so natural. I just wanted to rip him apart. I couldn't see him yet..but I knew the second I did. It would all be over. All I could here now were the soft pounding of my feet on the ground, and Sam screaming to get me to stop.


End file.
